I was going through my computer looking for some document and found this. I started reading it thinking, “wow, who wrote this emo piece of shit. Was it a writing project by me and papercloud?” until i scrolled all the way down and saw my name. I checked when the file was created and it was in ’08. Boy, was I emo.. Reading this brought back some of those feelings. How many times must a heart break before you learn that maybe you should be alone. Learn to love yourself before you love another? AKU TAK TAU LA, it took me many enough a heart break to get to where i am. and i’m glad to say, i’m happy. but i’ll be happier with you.

There she was just walking down the street.

No rhythm no beat. Her heart weighed down by a fool’s thoughts. It was all in her head. It seemed like a nice day out though. For the first time in a few consecutive days, it wasn’t raining. The wind was cool and crisp. She sauntered out of her apartment dragging her feet and made her way to the convenience store. She walked into daylight and wished it were night. Her head hung low. She didn’t even want to lift it up. Her normal brisk stride was reduced to that of a snail. The brick pavement seemed to be her only interest, studying the dirt in every nook and cranny.

She walked into the cramped little store and made her way to the counter. She bought her pack of smokes and made her way back. She dreaded to even leave her apartment but she needed those cigarettes.

Lift lobby, elevator, 6th floor and she was back home. Her apartment reeked of piss and shit. But even as the foul odor wafted into her nostrils all she could focus on was walking down that black and white narrow passageway. Her dogs jumped at her feet welcoming her return only asking for a little attention in return yet she turned a blind eye.

She pushed open the door and entered her “black box.” The haven she created for the mood of the day. She lit her scented candle and took a moment to watch the shadows from that tiny flame dance against the blackout curtains. They were drawn the moment she got back from her misadventure. Day should be night just for today.

Everything happens for a reason. What doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger.

She also knows now what she should be doing. She knew all along, but now the time has come. Priorities have finally been set straight. She feels it all happened for a good cause; a good wake up call. About time she gave back some to the one who was always there for her. She has been selfish long enough. It is the end of an era.

Stephanie Er

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